sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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