how can u be prego again
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
