You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
be right there i have to get my cape
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
