omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Bring me that man meat
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
