I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
