There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
