She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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