I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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