just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
