Apparently you make a good broom.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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