I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
