Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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