Porn is love you can see.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
