I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We named our party play list daddy issues
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
birth control should be required to get into college
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
