Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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