its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
