i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
