Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
