it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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