what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
