It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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