He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
