Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
