You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
