we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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