haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
