I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
