Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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