make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
