I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
