He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
