i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my being single is dangerous.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
