nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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