Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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