Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
3pm strippers are depressing
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
