apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
