So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
