did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
