We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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