idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He kissed a someone with a penis
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
