So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
