Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
