Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize