Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
