i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
