for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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