I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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