The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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