We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
