Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
