well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
