can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
