drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
