and you said cock pushups were impossible
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
