I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
