dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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